Hi, My Name is Brandon O’Dell.
I am an other half and a dad of 3 kids.
I am a writer, an actor, and a Christian.
I struggle with clinical depression.
Let me offer you some background. I was a pleased kid, raised in a Christian house by two loving moms and dads. I succeeded in school. I made many good friends, some I still have to this day. When I was entering into college, my assistance therapist asked where my greatest area of stress was, and I responded that I didn’t have any tension. I was carefree.
In 1993, my sophomore year at Shorter College in Rome, Georgia, my mother passed away of a brain tumor. And yet, I immediately accepted her death as part of God’s grand plan. I did not grieve. I did not let it worry me out.
And then, a year and a half later on, the proverbial poop struck the fan.
A buddy of mine welcomed me to hear her sing in an on-campus recital, which I accepted to attend. But, I did not go. She confronted me in the school’s dining hall that evening, and wrecked with guilt, I broke down and cried. I sobbed all the way back to my dormitory space. I cried due to the fact that I had let my buddy down, however not just that. I sobbed due to the fact that individuals worldwide let individuals down all the time. I cried for the state of mankind. I sobbed for exactly what seemed like that entire year.
I had no idea what was going on. I believed I was going insane. And I knew that I was the only one who felt the way I did, so I had nobody to talk to. No one who would comprehend. It wasn’t until I had a psychological breakdown in front of my father, that he encouraged me to obtain some help.
Seeing a psychiatrist for the first time helped me put a name to what I was going through – major depressive disorder. I realized then that not just was I not alone, depression was relatively typical. Individuals just didn’t speak about it. Because they were ashamed for some reason. Or embarrassed. However for me, learning I wasn’t insane was the first action to comprehending my disease, which was an excellent thing.
Time has actually passed. Depression comes in waves, like the flu season, however without the predictable change in the weather condition. Often it lasts for a few weeks, sometimes months, and currently, I remain in a season that has lasted 2 and a half years.
Everything I do is hard. Work is hard. Being a papa is hard. Getting out of bed is hard. Composing this blog site has actually been hard. I need to force myself to do everything, even things I might usually enjoy. In reality, I desire nothing. Often I feel embarrassed when I hand in work late or when my partner needs to get a lot of the work done around the house. However, I choose not to repent to talk about my depression.
I decided a while back to be open and truthful about exactly what was taking place to me. You see, I still believe there’s a function in this. That God has a plan to use my depression in some way for His splendor. There’s meaning, even if I never ever find exactly what the meaning is.
As far as my kids are concerned, I do not lie to them and pretend that everything is fine. They understand that Daddy has depression and that sometimes he’s too worn out to play. I desire them to see me weak and damaged. They can see God at work in me. And if my kids ever go through something like this later on in life, I want them to be able to recognize it, talk with me(or someone else )about it, and handle it without shame.
I have actually been reaching out on Facebook to pals and associates who have had a similar experience. I’ve had numerous lunches, texts, and telephone call with individuals who I hardly know but who UNDERSTAND me due to the fact that of depression. This is how I can like others. It’s a little thing, however in depression, the little things typically seem insurmountable.
If you’re a moms and dad battling with depression, I don’t actually have answers for you. However, I can tell you that you’re not alone. And I can inform you that you are developed by a God who loves you. And no matter how untidy it gets, I believe God is at work in your life narrating of remediation for you and for your family.
For me, the past few weeks have seen some brighter minutes. I’m on some medicine that appears to work for me. It may not work permanently, however today, right now, this minute, I’m doing fine. Which’s enough.